I am totally over my bathroom/laundry/toilet renovation. Yes, it’s almost done, and yes, I will love the finished product as dearly as I love the new louvre window I have just installed, which sends small rainbows darting about the unfinished room, as though they are longing to fall on glistening tile work and fully functional fittings, rather than unfinished wet area plaster and a patchwork floor hanging out for some tile underlay. Because, for a guy whose female side stops several miles short of multi-tasking, it’s been a grind.
The reason for my exasperation is not the bathroom at all. It’s all the things that my mono-tasking mind has been unable to do while the framing and plastering and incessant distractions drag on into what seems like their second decade. This has all come to a head, compelling me to take up pen to write out my frustrations, because I once again began reading the papers. The list is long. Apparently, I have to reform Western political systems root and branch, particularly that of the United States, so as to remove the instrument of political donations which ensures that governments cannot serve the common good, because that would be inconvenient to the seemingly sociopathic ends of their financial benefactors. Speaking of finances, it seems that I have to reinvent world monetary markets so that not only do they work towards some semblance of social justice, but also so that they work half well at all.
I then need to implement systems of good governance and economic incentive fit to save the world from the total collapse of the Arctic ice sheet, this being brought about by burning the fossilised remains of ancient forests and mega-sized algal blooms which sucked vast clouds of carbon dioxide out of the earth’s atmosphere during various times in the distant past when the climate of the planet had gone off tap. By doing this I will have in passing averted the collapse of most, or indeed all, of the world’s ocean based food chains due to the acidification of seawater worldwide, as clearly shown by high school level science experiments. I will also have righted the world’s climate so as to stave off wide scale agricultural collapse and several million cases of serious sunburn in the British Isles. But all this will take time, of course, so I also need to unite the United Nations so as to avert, or at least alleviate, the social upheavals and international punch-ups which will follow on from the catastrophes caused by a century of radical alterations to the earth’s climatic systems, with attendant loss of real food.
But what tools do I have to achieve this Herculean task? I’ll tell you. One vote. Yep, that’s it. Oh yes, and a pen. So I’d better start using both of them to the best of my ability. And so, I think, had we all. Because there is one facet of all the above which is coming right down upon us here in Gippsland, and coming down hard. Namely, that some great mind has found a way to drill sideways into the earth, pump in a mixture that Diablo himself would find impressive, and then fracture the ground we live upon to the point where it reluctantly gives up substances of dollar value to the most dangerous economy yet invented by man. And all this is being done with no effective studies to prove its safety or otherwise, while a massive question mark is rising to our north, where cause and effect look pretty obvious to all those who have either fallen very, very ill or else live beside methane, the worst of all greenhouse gasses, venting from the earth where it’s never done so before.
And what do our politicians do about this? Ignore all information from north of the Murray while sending former political bigwigs to local meetings to reassure the natives that they are basically a sensible bunch who will no doubt see the wider benefits that will come from their lives being ruined in the same way as it’s happened elsewhere. So when I think about that, I start to think that maybe I can’t do this on my own after all. And maybe that if any of us can stand against any of the above, and especially the last bit, then it will only be if we stand together. So I guess it’s time to get out of the bathroom and into the real world.